Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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