Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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