We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
