we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
