I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
