I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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