Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Randomize
