I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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