I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
