he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
