your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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