I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
