I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
