Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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