she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
