A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
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