Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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