Please, let me fuck your mom
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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