You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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