Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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