No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
