I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
