Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Is this like a preordered booty call?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
