I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
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