i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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