Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Someone came in the potted fern
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
