You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
