i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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