i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
