I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
