If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
