My first STD was from a foam party
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
