You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Hippo gnu deer
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
