I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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