Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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