spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
