So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
