They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
