I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
