You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
