Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
