I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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