I'm pants shitting drunk right now
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
