I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
