Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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