Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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