im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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