yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Michael Bay diarrhea
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
