I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
