i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
