And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
The feeling are messing with the penis
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
