I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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